Who doesn’t love to be loved? But loving someone deeply comes with its risks. When love isn’t handled right, it can leave a part of your heart shattered… sometimes forever. Here are some important love lessons I wish my younger self had known.
Is there a right way to love?
Is love something we can get wrong? Isn’t love supposed to exist beyond right and wrong—where one heart speaks and another simply understands? In love, aren’t there supposed to be no rules, no limits, and definitely no secrets?
Maybe that’s true in a perfect world. In such a world, love flows like a river—twisting, turning, persisting through every rock and obstacle until it smooths the rough edges and finds its destination.
But we don’t live in that world.
We live in a world where appearances matter more than authenticity, where lies travel faster than truth, where digital connection causes emotional disconnection, and where the past often casts a shadow over the future.
In today’s world, relationships have become transactional. Love is often treated like a topping on a tall glass of ambition—added only if there’s room after career, success, money, and personal freedom.
Don’t get me wrong—those things matter. But love isn’t the cherry on top. It’s the base. It’s what holds everything together in that sweet concoction we call life.
And yet, in our fast-paced lives, love often takes a back seat.
Now, one argument can end a relationship. Expressing pain is labelled “trauma dumping.” Phones get more attention than partners. No one fights for love anymore. When things get tough, we don’t try harder—we just move on. Ghosting and blocking have replaced heartfelt conversations. One swipe, and it’s over.
So if you’re someone who still believes in love—the old-fashioned, all-in kind of love—you’ve likely faced heartbreak. And if you’re just stepping into the dating world, full of hope and looking for something real, these love lessons are for you.
As someone nearing 40, here are the lessons about love I’ve learned—painfully, but deeply. If you’re a hopeless romantic who keeps following your heart to the wrong places, keep reading the 5 lessons of love.
Read: 10 Underrated Qualities Of A True Gentleman That Still Matter Today
5 Love Lessons I Wish I Knew Sooner
Here’re the 5 lessons of love I learned the hard way.
1. Love Isn’t Always 50:50
Sometimes love means giving 90 when your partner can only give 10. Other times, it’s 70:30. And that’s okay. When your partner has a bad day and takes it out on you—not out of malice but out of unprocessed emotion—respond with compassion instead of defensiveness.
Offer a hug, a hot drink, or just a kind word. A gentle touch or reassuring smile can break down walls. And the day you’re the one struggling, they’ll likely do the same for you.
Don’t keep score. Love more. Be present during the tough times. That’s when bonds deepen and memories form.
2. You Don’t Need to Be Alike—Just Aligned
You and your partner don’t have to share everything in common. Maybe they’re older, in a different profession, or come from a different background. That’s okay.
What matters most is shared values. If you both believe in kindness, justice, or helping others, those are your roots. Everything else is just the branches.
Look for ways you complement each other. Be each other’s strength. Grow through your differences. That will teach you more about love than anything else.
3. Use Your Brain, Not Just Your Heart
Yes, love is emotional—but sometimes, it needs strategy. That’s not manipulation; it’s wisdom.
If you’re upset because they posted their ex on social media, take a pause. Will blowing up fix anything? Or would calmly addressing it get to the truth and preserve the relationship?
When family members stir trouble, don’t lose your cool. Choose your battles wisely. Love isn’t blind—it’s clear-eyed and thoughtful when needed.
4. Love Can Be Learned
If you share a song that holds deep meaning for you and your partner shrugs it off, don’t assume they don’t care. Maybe they just don’t know how you express love.
Teach them—gently. Tell them what gestures matter to you. Whether it’s fancy dinners or long talks, share your love language without blame or judgment.
People don’t always know how to love the way we need. That doesn’t make them incapable—it just means they haven’t learned yet.
5. Learn to Love Being Alone
Yes, this is essential. You must love your own company to love someone else well. Otherwise, you’re just filling a void—not truly connecting.
Don’t enter a relationship to escape loneliness. Build a beautiful life for yourself—go to movies alone, sip coffee at your favorite café, take long walks, visit bookstores. When you’re content on your own, you attract love that’s real, not desperate.
And even in a relationship, carve out time for yourself. “Me time” gives your relationship space to breathe and flourish.
Read: How To Win Back An Avoidant Ex After Breakup
Bonus: Love ≠ Constant Happiness
True love isn’t eternal sunshine. It includes jealousy, insecurity, fights, sleepless nights—and also joy, passion, companionship, and deep peace.
If you can’t accept both the rose and the thorns, love isn’t for you.
Love isn’t always candlelit dinners or hand-holding. It’s also bills, exhaustion, bad moods, and days when you doubt your worth. But how you support each other through those days—that defines real love.
These are the love lessons I’ve learned the hard way. I hope they help you build stronger connections and find more fairytales—and fewer heartbreaks. What lessons has love taught you? Share them in the comments below—I’d love to hear from you.
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