How to get over someone you love can be hard, especially when you never actually dated them. Maybe you were friends. Maybe there was flirting, late-night conversations, or a deep connection, but no official relationship. So below are a few tips that can make moving on feel less painful.
Psychologists call this kind of emotional experience ambiguous loss, which is grief without a clear ending. Because there was no breakup, no closure, you’re often left alone with the hurt, unsure of how to process it.
Here’s how to get over someone you love in three different, but very real situations: when you never dated, when they didn’t love you back, and when you’re trying to stay friends.
Read more here: Always Want More? The Hidden Trap Of ‘Grass Is Greener Syndrome’
How To Get Over Someone You Love But Never Dated
These almost-relationships, friendships, crushes, emotional connections can be just as painful as breakups, even if they were never official. That doesn’t make your feelings any less valid, or the healing any less necessary.
Here’s how to get over someone you love but never dated with clarity, and a bit more peace.
1. Start by deflating the fantasy
When we love someone from a distance, it’s easy to fill in the blanks. You imagine what they’re like as a partner, how things could be, and often overlook the reality of the situation.
So ask yourself: What did they actually show you? If they didn’t make a move, engage meaningfully, or reciprocate interest, it’s time to see the difference between hope and evidence.
2. Let yourself feel your emotions fully
You don’t have to “get over it” quickly just because it wasn’t a defined relationship. Unspoken feelings can still leave real wounds.
Say it clearly to yourself: “I had feelings. I got attached.” That honesty matters more than the label.
3. Give yourself space and distance
You don’t have to block them forever, but it helps to take a step back. Mute their social media. Avoid situations where you’ll see them often. Distance isn’t about being dramatic, it’s about protecting your energy so you can begin to detach without constant reminders.
4. Channel your energy back into your own life
You invested emotional energy into someone who didn’t return it. Now it’s time to take that energy back.
Start a small project, take a new class, or make time for activities you neglected. Focus on rebuilding connection with yourself, not chasing closure from them.
How To Get Over Someone You Love Who Doesn’t Love You Back
If you’re stuck in the pain of unreturned feelings, learning how to get over someone you love who doesn’t love you back is the first step toward healing. So let’s explore some ways to…
1. Let go of digital ties that keep you stuck
Still checking their posts? Replaying old messages? That only feeds the fantasy. Do a digital reset, unfollow, mute, delete what keeps the wound fresh. This isn’t about punishment. It’s about protecting your progress.
2. Invest in people and activities that give back
Turn your attention to what does love you back, whether that’s friends, family, hobbies, or passions. Your need for love and connection is real. Start with things that nourish you without confusion or pain.
3. Set goals that center your growth
Instead of waiting for them, start moving toward your own next chapter. Set three personal goals, small or big, and work toward them at your own pace. New experiences create new emotional pathways.
How To Get Over Someone You Love and Still Be Friends?
Wondering how to get over someone you love and still be friends? It will require a lot of time and patience but it’s possible.
1. If you’re trying to stay friends, start with honest reflection
Ask yourself: Can I truly be around them without expecting more? Can I hear about their dating life and feel okay? If the answer is no, take a step back. Staying friends is only healthy when you’re emotionally aligned, and that can take time.
2. Take time apart before trying to be friends again
Don’t rush into friendship if you’re still hurting. A short break, just a few weeks of space, can help you heal and think more clearly. Friendship is a possibility, but not a shortcut to recovery.
3. Set boundaries that protect your emotional wellbeing
Friendship shouldn’t mean constantly being available to someone who once broke your heart. If they come to you for emotional support while you’re still healing, it’s okay to say no. You’re not their therapist.
4. Remove reminders from your physical and digital space
Sometimes it’s the smallest things that reopen old feelings, a playlist, a hoodie, a screenshot. Tidy up your space and give yourself a cleaner emotional slate. It makes a bigger difference than you might expect.
5. Treat yourself like someone worth showing up for
Take yourself out for coffee. Plan something just for you. Do the things you wished someone else would do for you, and start building that kind of support from within
You Choose You!
There’s no quick fix. Getting over someone you love, whether you dated or not, takes time, honesty, and patience. But the most powerful decision you’ll ever make is this: choose yourself.
Read more here: 10 Unhealthy Friendships You Should Let Go Of Before You Turn 30
That’s growth. And that’s love. For yourself.
