An expert reveals the red flags to watch out for if you think you’re experiencing crazymaking by a narcissist.
This narcissist behavior isn’t always loud or obvious. In fact, it often shows up in everyday conversations, moments that leave you feeling confused, defensive, or strangely at fault without fully knowing why. You might sense that something is off, yet struggle to explain it clearly, even to yourself.
That’s because crazymaking behavior works by slowly distorting your sense of reality. When it comes from a crazymaking narcissist, the manipulation can feel especially subtle and convincing, making you doubt your memory, emotions, and reactions over time. Have you ever walked away from a conversation wondering how you ended up feeling like the problem?
Below are five red flag behaviors that can help you recognize what is crazymaking and understand why you feel the way you do.
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5 Red Flag Crazymaking Behaviors By A Narcissist
1. They Tell Outright Lies to Make You the Perpetrator
You raise a valid concern, but instead of taking responsibility, they rewrite the story.
They deny things you clearly remember, add details that never happened, or confidently lie to make it seem like you caused the problem. By the end of the conversation, you’re apologizing, even though you were the one hurt.
This is one of the most common crazymaking examples: you know your truth, yet you’re pressured to abandon it.
2. They Constantly Change the Rules
What upset them yesterday is suddenly “no big deal” today, and what was fine last week is now unacceptable.
You’re expected to read their mind, adapt instantly, and still somehow “get it wrong.” When you point out the inconsistency, they accuse you of overthinking or being dramatic.
This shifting ground keeps you confused and dependent, a core feature of crazymaking behavior.
3. They Dismiss Your Feelings While Claiming To Care
They might say things like:
“I care, but you’re exaggerating.”
“That didn’t hurt you the way you’re saying.”
“You’re too emotional.”
On the surface, they appear calm or reasonable. Underneath, they’re invalidating your emotional reality. Over time, you start minimizing your own feelings before they even get the chance to.
That quiet self-silencing is exactly what a crazymaking narcissist relies on.
4. They Provoke You, Then Use Your Reaction Against You
They push your buttons subtly, with sarcasm, passive-aggressive comments, and dismissive looks, until you finally react. The moment you do, they step back and say, “See? This is what I’m talking about. You’re the problem.”
Now the focus is no longer on what they did, but on how you responded. This tactic keeps you trapped in self-blame and is one of the most damaging crazymaking examples.
5. They Act Confused When You Set Clear Boundaries
You clearly explain what you need or what behavior you won’t tolerate anymore.
They respond with:
“I don’t understand what you want.”
“You’re being unclear.”
“You’re impossible to please.”
By pretending not to understand, they make you repeat yourself, doubt your clarity, and feel unreasonable for having boundaries at all. This deliberate confusion is a powerful form of crazymaking behavior.
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If you’re constantly questioning yourself while the other person seems perfectly sure of their version of events, that’s not a communication problem, it’s crazymaking.
You’re not “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” or “hard to deal with.” You’re responding to manipulation. Clarity doesn’t come from proving your point to a narcissist, it comes from recognizing the pattern and choosing yourself.
What do you think? Tell us in the comments below!
