Parenting usually means the ways in which parents or caregivers support the physical, emotional, intellectual, and social development of a child, from infancy to adulthood.
What Is Parenting?
Parenting usually refers to the knowledge, skills, practices, and actions involved in raising a child and supporting his/her physical, mental, and social development. It comprises ways to help children successfully regulate their biological, cognitive, and social-emotional functioning by providing them with material, social, and psychological resources, as well as provisions of support, love, warmth, and guidance. It is also known as child-rearing or child upbringing.
According to one 2016 study 1 National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine; Division of Behavioral and Social Sciences and Education; Board on Children, Youth, and Families; Committee on Supporting the Parents of Young Children; Breiner H, Ford M, Gadsden VL, editors. Parenting Matters: Supporting Parents of Children Ages 0-8. Washington (DC): National Academies Press (US); 2016 Nov 21. 1, Introduction. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK402028/ , “conceptions of who parents are and what constitute the best conditions for raising children vary widely.” Parenting as behavior and practice have been traditionally associated with biological parents. However, recent research has expanded the parenting role to include foster parents, educators, social workers, child care professionals, healthcare workers, governments, the society, and other caregivers who protect and care for children, helping them chart a trajectory that promotes their overall well-being.
The definitions and approaches of parenting have also evolved with changing cultural perceptions 2 Bornstein M. H. (2012). Cultural Approaches to Parenting. Parenting, science and practice, 12(2-3), 212–221. https://doi.org/10.1080/15295192.2012.683359 of child-rearing across time and place. However, according to the American Psychological Association (APA), parenting practices around the world share three major goals:
- Ensuring children’s health and safety
- Preparing children for life as productive adults
- Transmitting cultural values
That being said, it should be noted that there are no specific ways 3 Sanvictores T, Mendez MD. Types of Parenting Styles and Effects On Children. [Updated 2021 Mar 6]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2022 Jan-. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK568743/ that describes how to be a good parent. But, as research shows, the first step toward positive parenting involves understanding your children’s unique needs and your own competencies and formulating your parenting styles based on these perceptions.
What Is The Importance Of Parenting?
We’ve all heard the expression, “There are no bad children, only bad parents!” It emphasizes how positive parenting and a positive parent-child relationship are critical to the healthy development of our children and the global community as a whole.
As one 2016 study puts it, “Parents play a significant role in helping children build and refine their knowledge and skills, as well as their learning expectations, beliefs, goals, and coping strategies” to meet the demands of their immediate environments and take advantage of opportunities within those environments.
They introduce children to the social world, where they develop their identities, their place and value in society, and the understandings that influence their life choices and expectations. A 1998 study 4 Hoghughi M. (1998). The importance of parenting in child health. Doctors, as well as the government, should do more to support parents. BMJ (Clinical research ed.), 316(7144), 1545. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmj.316.7144.1545 further links the importance of parenting to its role as a buffer against adversity (such as poverty) or mediator of damage (like child abuse) in children’s lives.
The way we parent our children today plays a major role in influencing the person they grow up to be tomorrow. According to one 2018 study 5 Sanders, M. R., & Turner, K. M. (2018). The importance of parenting in influencing the lives of children. Handbook of Parenting and Child Development Across the Lifespan, 3-26. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-94598-9_1 , a good and fulfilling relationship with parents influences a child’s “developmental competence and ultimately their life course trajectories”, including:
- Cognitive skills
- Language skills
- Communicating abilities
- Beliefs and values
- Self-regulation
- Social relationships (especially sibling, peer, and romantic relationships)
- Academic attainment
- Professional attainment
- Mental and physical health
Read More About Academic Problems And Skills Here
Parenting Styles
A parenting style usually comprises the knowledge, skills, approaches, and strategies that parents use in bringing up their children. Such parenting styles vary across cultures and are influenced by parental expectations 6 National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine; Division of Behavioral and Social Sciences and Education; Board on Children, Youth, and Families; Committee on Supporting the Parents of Young Children; Breiner H, Ford M, Gadsden VL, editors. Parenting Matters: Supporting Parents of Children Ages 0-8. Washington (DC): National Academies Press (US); 2016 Nov 21. 2, Parenting Knowledge, Attitudes, and Practices. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK402020/ , social values, and availability of supporting services.
Research 7 Kuppens, S., & Ceulemans, E. (2019). Parenting Styles: A Closer Look at a Well-Known Concept. Journal of child and family studies, 28(1), 168–181. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-018-1242-x has roughly categorized parenting styles into the following types:
- Authoritative parenting: Parenting styles with high parental responses and demands
- Authoritarian parenting: Child rearing strategies associated with disciplinarian and aggressive parents
- Permissive parenting: Child upbringing techniques linked to indulgent and lenient parents
- Neglectful parenting: Parenting associated with unresponsive or ‘absent’ parents
Principles Of Good Parenting
Raising a child is hard and important responsibility, but the first step towards raising them is understanding their personalities, needs, and desires. While developing your parenting styles, you can consider the following principles of parenting:
1. Be Involved In Your Children’s Lives
Being physically and mentally involved in your children’s life means shifting and compromising your own priorities for your children’s needs, but try to make time for your children. Give them a sense of security and involvement through simple gestures, like attending their school play or accompanying them to a birthday party.
2. Balance Your Own And Your Children’s Expectations
Children usually develop certain expectations from their parents and if these expectations are not fulfilled, they experience disappointment and other negative emotions. While it is recommended that you should not give in to all their desires, in order to effectively parent them, you must understand their own expectations of themselves and their expectations of you as a parent.
By doing so, you can give them attachment security and help them achieve their goals and grow into well-rounded human beings.
3. Consider Your Children’s Needs And Your Competencies
Understand your children’s unique needs and consider ways in which they can be met. Also, take into account your own abilities concerning time, resources, finances, skills, etc. when you are formulating your parenting styles and strategies.
4. Combine Fun And Responsible Parenting
Try formulating flexible parenting strategies that balance out discipline and responsibility with the right amount of fun and leniency. Lay down a set of ground rules, identify the non-negotiable grounds of the parent-child relationship, and explain your rules and decisions to your children. Avoid meeting harsh punishments or spoiling them with lowered expectations or material possessions. Communicate honestly and turn scolding sessions into healthy learning experiences.
5. Respect Your Children
Respect your child and behave with them with the same mannerisms you employ when you interact with any adult, like courtesies, compliments, etc. This gives children a sense of dignity, self-worth, and confidence. It also engages them in a two-way communication channel and encourages their tendency to socially interact with others.
Recent studies 8 Saint-Georges C, Chetouani M, Cassel R, Apicella F, Mahdhaoui A, Muratori F, Laznik MC, Cohen D. Motherese in interaction: at the cross-road of emotion and cognition? (A systematic review). PLoS One. 2013 Oct 18;8(10):e78103. doi: 10.1371/journal.pone.0078103. PMID: 24205112; PMCID: PMC3800080. show that while baby talk or motherese induce positive feelings in children’s brains, in the short run, such under-developed language is detrimental. Such language often triggers the negative feelings associated with infantilization, reduces children’s confidence, and hinders their language development.
6. Respect Your Children’s Boundaries
Respect your children’s privacy and boundaries, while remaining strict and consistent about the set ground rules. Overprotective, authoritative, nosey, or extremely controlling parenting approaches harm children’s healthy development. So, encourage and support them in their interests, dreams, and goals. Bring them up to be thoughtful, passionate, self-assured, confident, and independent people.
Parenting Challenges
Parenting is an important duty and responsibility, which comes with its own challenges. While becoming a parent is usually a welcomed event, most of the time, parents’ lives are fraught with uncertainty and problems related to ensuring their children’s physical, emotional, or economic well-being. Getting the “parenting balance” right is a tricky affair, and there are chances that you may “underdo” or “overdo” your strategies while raising children.
Studies about parenting reveal that, as a parent, you can experience the following pitfalls:
1. Balancing Family And Career
Parents are the fundamental providers for their children. In an increasingly competitive world of demanding jobs, if you are a working parent, you may find it difficult to balance your personal interests with your professional life. With both your and your children’s packed schedules, you may often feel overwhelmed by the scarcity of time. You may end up feeling that you are not getting enough time to spend with your family, like having meals together, spending holidays with them, etc.
2. Parent Guilt
“Parent guilt” usually means the guilt or shame a parent experiences while raising children. The guilt stems from beliefs that the parents aren’t being good or loving enough for their children, or they are not spending enough time with their kids. Studies 9 Riedesser, P., & Wolff, G. (1985). Elterliches Schulderleben bei Erkrankungen ihrer Kinder [Parental guilt experience in diseases of their children]. Monatsschrift Kinderheilkunde : Organ der Deutschen Gesellschaft fur Kinderheilkunde, 133(9), 657–662. frequently link parent guilt to working parents or parents of children born with disabilities 10 Chapple, A., May, C., & Campion, P. (1995). Parental guilt: The part played by the clinical geneticist. Journal of genetic counseling, 4(3), 179–191. https://doi.org/10.1007/BF01408408 .
Research 11 Rakow, A., Forehand, R., McKee, L., Coffelt, N., Champion, J., Fear, J., & Compas, B. (2009). The Relation of Parental Guilt Induction to Child Internalizing Problems When a Caregiver Has a History of Depression. Journal of child and family studies, 18(4), 367–377. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-008-9239-5 further shows that parents who experience guilt are more likely to develop unhealthy parenting styles, like spoiling their children materially or being too lenient with them or indulging in unhealthy food habits 12 Hagerman, C. J., Ferrer, R. A., Klein, W., & Persky, S. (2020). Association of parental guilt with harmful versus healthful eating and feeding from a virtual reality buffet. Health psychology : official journal of the Division of Health Psychology, American Psychological Association, 39(3), 199–208. https://doi.org/10.1037/hea0000831 .
3. Being A “role model” To Your Children
Time crunch and lack of parental monitoring and control mean you get less time to supervise your children’s behavior or know what kind of values they are learning or what kind of company they are keeping. Research shows that if there is a lack of a definitive role model at home, children look to external influence 13 Impact of media use on children and youth. (2003). Paediatrics & child health, 8(5), 301–317. https://doi.org/10.1093/pch/8.5.301 to help them shape and guide their emotions, behavior, and values.
According to a 2011 study 14 Institute of Medicine (US) and National Research Council (US) Committee on the Science of Adolescence. The Science of Adolescent Risk-Taking: Workshop Report. Washington (DC): National Academies Press (US); 2011. 5, The Influence of Environment. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK53409/ , such children are more vulnerable to deviant peer groups and negative nonparental adult influences 15 Hurd, N. M., Zimmerman, M. A., & Xue, Y. (2009). Negative adult influences and the protective effects of role models: a study with urban adolescents. Journal of youth and adolescence, 38(6), 777–789. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10964-008-9296-5 , which makes them inculcate negative behavior related to promiscuity, violence, verbal abuse, substance abuse, etc.
In cases where, as a working parent, you don’t get enough time to inculcate values or lessons to your children, you may feel stress or guilt, thinking that you are not being a good enough role model to them.
4. Failure To Nurture Meaningful Relationships
Research 16 Daches, S., Vine, V., Layendecker, K. M., George, C. J., & Kovacs, M. (2018). Family functioning as perceived by parents and young offspring at high and low risk for depression. Journal of affective disorders, 226, 355–360. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jad.2017.09.031 shows that parents and children in dysfunctional families or dual-income households do not get the opportunity to know each other or form meaningful bonds. This hampers children’s development of communication skills, social skills, and qualities like kindness and empathy. A lack of meaningful relationships at home means children look to external influences for emotional connection and, most of the time, they become vulnerable to negative or harmful influences.
According to a 2011 study, lack of parental monitoring and positive parent-child relationships are linked to adolescent problems like “early pregnancy, premature independence from parents, school dropout” and drug abuse. On the other hand, “parents, who form warm relationships with their children, have minimal conflict with them and provide adequate monitoring and supervision” that reduce problems 17 Wiegand-Grefe, S., Sell, M., Filter, B., & Plass-Christl, A. (2019). Family Functioning and Psychological Health of Children with Mentally Ill Parents. International journal of environmental research and public health, 16(7), 1278. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph16071278 in their lives.
5. Single Parenting
In recent years, cases of single parenting and co-parenting have risen and, unfortunately, a growing body of research 18 Golombok, Susan & Zadeh, Sophie & Freeman, Tabitha & Lysons, Joanna & Foley, Sarah. (2020). Single Mothers by Choice: Parenting and Child Adjustment in Middle Childhood. Journal of family psychology : JFP : journal of the Division of Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association (Division 43). 35. 10.1037/fam0000797. links the single-parent family structure to higher levels of parenting stress, difficulties in children’s adjustment, and problems 19 Lut, I., Woodman, J., Armitage, A., Ingram, E., Harron, K., & Hardelid, P. (2021). Health outcomes, healthcare use and development in children born into or growing up in single-parent households: a systematic review study protocol. BMJ open, 11(2), e043361. https://doi.org/10.1136/bmjopen-2020-043361 related to delinquency 20 Amato, P. R., Patterson, S., & Beattie, B. (2015). Single-parent households and children’s educational achievement: A state-level analysis. Social science research, 53, 191–202. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ssresearch.2015.05.012 , substance addiction, poverty 21 Meier, A., Musick, K., Flood, S., & Dunifon, R. (2016). Mothering Experiences: How Single Parenthood and Employment Structure the Emotional Valence of Parenting. Demography, 53(3), 649–674. https://doi.org/10.1007/s13524-016-0474-x , and welfare dependency 22 Sachs, B., Pietrukowicz, M., & Hall, L. A. (1997). Parenting attitudes and behaviors of low-income single mothers with young children. Journal of pediatric nursing, 12(2), 67–73. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0882-5963(97)80026-7 .
Single-parent challenges mostly arise from the scarcity of time and lack of social and financial support 23 Krell R. (1972). Problems of the single-parent family unit. Canadian Medical Association journal, 107(9), 867–872. . However, experts claim that healthy parenting strategies and quality child care, coupled to government and welfare policies, can help parents and children belonging to single-parent family units prevent poor health and social outcomes 24 Campbell, M., Thomson, H., Fenton, C., & Gibson, M. (2016). Lone parents, health, wellbeing, and welfare to work: a systematic review of qualitative studies. BMC public health, 16, 188. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12889-016-2880-9 .
Steps To More Effective Parenting
Parenting is one of the most widespread phenomena in the world. Unfortunately, there is no rulebook to specify how to be a good parent. Across the world, parenting styles come with a great deal of diversity. So, how we interpret “what does it mean to be a parent?” is largely left to our own perception and practice, as well as decisions and devices.
Even with age or expertise, parenting is not easy, so you can consider the following parenting tips to make your journey easier and more enjoyable:
1. Be Involved
Be actively involved in your children’s lives. Maintain a warm and balanced parent-child relationship and try to spend quality time with them. Remember that healthy parenting involves effectively monitoring their physical and mental developments and resolving conflicts 25 Boland, L., Kryworuchko, J., Saarimaki, A., & Lawson, M. L. (2017). Parental decision making involvement and decisional conflict: a descriptive study. BMC pediatrics, 17(1), 146. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12887-017-0899-4 with understanding, empathy, and respect.
2. Be Informed
Be informed about and take advantage of parenting-related programs 26 Jackson, C., Cheater, F. M., & Reid, I. (2008). A systematic review of decision support needs of parents making child health decisions. Health expectations : an international journal of public participation in health care and health policy, 11(3), 232–251. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1369-7625.2008.00496.x , parenting interventions, policies, and governmental initiatives that can provide improved developmental outcomes for your children.
3. Be Realistic
Don’t beat yourself with unrealistic parenting expectations or parent guilt. Be realistic and formulate your parenting goals and strategies based on your children’s unique needs and your competencies. Anticipate and try to plan 27 Aarthun, A., Øymar, K. A., & Akerjordet, K. (2018). Parental involvement in decision-making about their child’s health care at the hospital. Nursing open, 6(1), 50–58. https://doi.org/10.1002/nop2.180 and prepare for challenging situations related to raising children.
4. Be Patient
Have patience with yourself, your partner, and your children throughout the parenting process. In any parent-child relationship, you go through phases and grow together. Acknowledge your children’s growth and changing needs and priorities 28 Institute of Medicine (US) Committee on Clinical Research Involving Children; Field MJ, Behrman RE, editors. Ethical Conduct of Clinical Research Involving Children. Washington (DC): National Academies Press (US); 2004. 5, Understanding and Agreeing to Children’s Participation in Clinical Research. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK25560/ , reconcile yourself with changing realities, and accordingly manage your parenting styles.
5. Be Positive
Most importantly, approach your parenting habits with positivity, hope, and commitment. Understand that parenting is not an easy task, but if you try, you may make the best out of it.
Takeaway
Most of the time, the parenting journey is a mixed bag of emotions and responsibilities and caregivers in parental roles are overwhelmed by the sheer demands of child-rearing, their own imbalanced lives, and uncertainty and problems related to their children’s well-being. But, experts assure that parenting is a beautiful journey of a lifetime in itself and can be easily executed by positive and healthy parenting skills and behaviors that aim at the whole-rounded development of children across the different stages of their lives. We must reconcile ourselves to its realities, good and bad, and continue to approach parenting with whole-hearted positivity and commitment.
Parenting At A Glance
- Parenting usually means the ways in which parents or caregivers support the physical, emotional, intellectual, and social development of a child.
- It is not limited to biological parents.
- It also involves the caregiving of a child by legal guardians, educators, childcare professionals, governments, and the society at large.
- Parenting comes with challenges posed by financial security, unhealthy parenting style, etc.
- Positive parenting involves combining fun and responsible parenting, with realistic expectations and a positive and committed approach toward parental duties.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
1. What is a narcissistic parent?
A narcissistic parent is a parent who is affected by a narcissistic personality disorder. They are usually self-entitled, manipulative, possessive about their children, controlling, and emotionally abusive. Most often, they disregard personal boundaries and manipulate their children into fulfilling their parental expectations.
2. What is co-parenting?
Co-parenting is a type of parenting in which two people who are not in a relationship share the duties of bringing up a child. In most cases, co-parenting is an arrangement between divorced partners or partners who share children outside marriage or in an intimate relationship.
3. What do foster parents mean?
Foster parents are people who take a child into their family for a brief period of time, usually upon instructions from a government or a social service agency. They do not become the child’s legal parents, even during the period of stay.
